Author Archives: rickconti

Alternative White Flags

Posted on by under Generic Rant

Everyone knows the white flag is the universal sign of surrender. It means to give up, to admit to having no chance of overcoming the opposition and resigning to a fate of defeat. But did you know there are other signs that have been used over the ages? When I was a kid, we often relied on one of the following banalities when faced with a verbal assault:

I know you are but what am I?

I’m like a mirror, you’re like glue. It bounces off me and sticks to you.

No one would pull one of those chestnuts out today, right? We’ve come a long way. Or have we?

This topic came to mind this week when two people passed me on a bike path doing about 25 MPH on an e-bike without even signalling their approach, a serious breach of bike path safety etiquette. If you’re unfamiliar with e-bikes… where the heck have you been?? They are bikes with electric assist motors to augment pedaling, capable of speeds up to nearly 30 MPH. They’re typically used by one of two classes of people: older folks who want to keep riding but need a little extra boost from time to time (God bless’em; that could very well be me some day) or sociopathic Peter Fonda wannabes who think they’re filming a reboot of “Easy Rider”. My passing duo were clearly of the latter variety.

The guy I was riding with was as perturbed as I was by these clowns. He called to them as they passed, “Slow down!”, a reasonable request, given that they passed within inches of us at the speed of well-tuned Yugo. One of the pair retorted over his rapidly receding shoulder, “Shut Up!”

A flagrant white flag.

We were actually lucky in this case. The usual comeback muttered by such mental midgets is the clever (and ubiquitous) rejoinder, “f*** you” accompanied by a brazen display of the middle finger. These are people who probably didn’t fare too well on their high school debate teams. Although in today’s world of uncivil discourse, they’d rock in a Republican presidential debate.

When I was protesting the Vietnam war (yes, I’m that old) I was regularly attacked with a white flag that still unfurls at regular intervals today: “Commie!” Tell someone we should even consider Medicare for all, some way of reducing the wealth gap, or trying to limit the number of mass shootings in this country to something less than, oh, over one every day, and you’re bound to hear that white flag still flapping in the breeze, a breeze driven by the hot air coming from people who are happy with the completely unworkable and unsustainable status quo.

Basically, name calling of any kind is the white flag of choice for anyone with no intellectual resources or valid arguments at his disposal. Without even knowing it, they’re saying, “I give up. You win. You’re right. But I’m not leaving this fight without letting loose one last volley of invectives (although he’s unlikely to know what “invective” means) worthy of a poorly educated middle-schooler.”

There are lots more white flags out there. It’s good to be aware of them so we don’t waste our efforts trying to communicate logically with those who go into a battle of wits unarmed.

Long may the white flag fly!

A Golden Age of Quirky British Films

Posted on by under Movies

I’m a major fan of what I think of as quirky British movies. And lately there has been a bumper crop to choose from. It’s been a wonderful era for people like me. Here are a handful that I’ve enjoyed most:

  • The Duke (2/25/22 UK) This movie stars two of my favorite living film performers: Helen Mirren and Jim Broadbent. That alone is worth the price of admission. (That’s a meaningless assessment given that I got the video from the library but you get my point.) This is based on the true story of a painting stolen from the National Gallery. It would be great regardless but the fact that the events are essentially true make it even more appealing, if that’s possible.
  • The Phantom of the Open (3/18/22) Another brilliant (in both the literal US meaning as well as the common British usage) performance by yet another brilliant actor, Mark Rylance. Again, a (“based on”) true story of a down-and-outer who decides to take up golf by entering the British Open before he’s played a single round. It has the added incentive of including the incomparable Sally Hawkins. We’ll see her again in this list.
  • Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris (7/15/22 US) If this delightful more-than-just-a-romantic-comedy doesn’t put a smile on your face, you might want to check your pulse. This isn’t a true story, but I wish it were.
  • The Lost King (3/24/23 US) Another Sally Hawkins vehicle. I’ll watch anything she does, including commercials, if she ever makes one. (She’s so great, she almost saved the dreadful poser movie, “The Shape of Water”.) This is another inspired-by-true-events tale about an amateur historian who fights the powers-that-be to make a discovery everyone told her was impossible.

The next one is far and away the cream of said bumper crop, IMHO. It’s quirkier than all of the rest combined but (a) has absolutely zero (maybe less) basis in reality and (b) has not one single big name performer. Nonetheless, this is one of my favorite movies in years.

  • Brian and Charles (7/8/22 UK) No synopsis can do this justice. The short version is that it’s about an eccentric Welshman who invents a robot to keep him company. But it’s not in any sense science fiction.

A couple of honorable mentions to spectacular British films that aren’t quirky enough but are great regardless:

  • Living (11/4/22 UK) Bill Nighy, who makes every movie he’s in better, in a role he was born to play.
  • Banshees of Inisherin (11/4/22 US) It’s more twisted and dark than quirky and definitely not a comedy, despite what its marketeers claim, but it is terrific.

American cinema hasn’t produced quirky films as prolifically as have our British cousins but one recent entry I’d put in the same category as those above is:

  • Jerry and Marge Go Large (6/17/22 US) Like a few of the above, this film features great performances by great actors portraying real people in a stranger-than-fiction situation.

All those movies were released in the last 18 months. It’s a feast for the quirk-lovers among us.

I’m Being Followed By a MoonShadow

Posted on by under blog snax, Generic Rant

A BlogSnax© post

Yusuf Islam, a.k.a. Cat Stevens, a.k.a. Steven Demetre Georgiou—obviously a man with serious identity issues—created some of the most memorable music from the soundtrack of my life. His masterpiece, IMHO, is the sensational “Teaser and the Firecat”. So enamored was I of this collection that the LP cover once adorned the entire wall of my bedroom in my younger days, reproduced there in precise detail by myself and some friends. Here’s a photo of the actual wall:*

The song came to me today as I rode my bike along a puddled post-rainstorm bike path. Lines from the song shook me like never before:

If I ever lose my hands...
If I ever lose my eyes...
If I ever lose my legs...
If I ever lose my mouth...

Then the song’s name echoed in my brain, slipping into and filling my heart.

MoonShadow

The initials of the two components of this fabricated portmanteau are MS, which can also stand for, among many other lesser things, multiple sclerosis, an often crippling disease of the central nervous system that can cause a victim to, in essence:

Lose her hands.

Lose her eyes.

Lose her legs.

Lose her mouth.

I’ve always adored the song. It’s even more meaningful to me now. It turns out that the artist who at the time went by the name “Cat Stevens” was inspired to write it when he literally saw his shadow cast by the moon. When we listen to music, it becomes our own as much as to its original creator. I’ve decided this will always be mine as an MS encouragement.

I really am being followed by a MoonShadow.

* It took weeks to get the expression on Teaser’s face just right, eventually requiring the assistance of a Genuine Artist. Compare it to the original. It’s a very good knockoff.

We did this without the permission of Cat/Yusuf, who painted the original cover. He never chased us down for residuals. I wish he had. I would have thanked him for what all his wonderful music meant (and still means) to me. Sadly, this treasure has long since been painted over. 😦

Missed OCD connection

Posted on by under blog snax, Generic Rant

A BlogSnax© post

I’m a consolidator. When I see two or more things that can be combined into one, or at least that match well enough to belong with each other, I have to put them together. It’s a symptom of my low-level, high-functioning OCD.

A mess waiting to be consolidated

A while back, I was in the parking lot of my local supermarket. My shopping was complete and my car was loaded so I proceeded to perform one of my favorite pastimes: consolidating the shopping carts in the cart corral. Usually, thoughtless shoppers have shoved them in there any which way but loose, all randomly askew, taunting me, challenging me. They’re begging to be organized, i.e. consolidated. The juices start to flow and I get to work.

As I’m blissfully carrying out the task, a guy comes up to me and says, “Isn’t that the best part of going to the grocery store?”

He gets it!! He’s a kindred spirit, as Anne Shirley would call him. I was too stunned to say anything. How I wish I’d had the presence of mind to invite him back to the house to have some snacks and share exciting tales of consolidation past!

If that was you, drop me a line and let me know what you’ve been consolidating lately.

What’s Poor?

Posted on by under blog snax, Books, Generic Rant, Movies

A BlogSnax© post

I had an interesting experience recently. I use the term “interesting” against my better judgment because, as Ben points out in “Captain Fantastic”, it’s a non-word. I’m simply at a loss regarding how else to describe it. I’ll tell you and you can come up with your own assessment.

I was reading a picture book I’d written to a class of kindergartners. The book, “The Little Red Boat Came Back”, is about a little girl living in Haiti. Her mother leaves to seek out a new home for them. Introducing the book and its topic, I gave a short spiel about Haiti, a topic about which I’m passionate. I told the kids that the inhabitants of Haiti, which is on an island not far from the US, are very poor.

At that point, one child hesitantly raised his hand. Delighted that this child was sufficiently engaged to ask a question, I stopped my presentation to hear his query. To my amazement, he asked,

“What’s poor?”

I was dumbfounded. Maybe my expectations were too high but I assumed, even at that tender age, the concept of poverty would be understood. I gave as good an answer to his sincere and reasonable question as I could muster at the time but, in retrospect, I think I could have done better.

I’m not sure what the child’s puzzlement says about him, his upbringing, his community (an affluent one), his school, or our society but I was troubled at the time and I remain so.

I can’t even tell you why.

Finding the Good in the Bad

Posted on by under Movies

There are a lot of movies out there. I think I’ve seen most of them. Sad. More often than not, they’re bad movies. For reasons that aren’t obvious but which are probably related to my low-level OCD, once I begin watching a movie, I usually watch the whole thing. To paraphrase the inimitable Chaka Khan, once I get started, oh, it’s hard to stop. I continue viewing long after a flick has proven itself a total waste of my time. That’s when I bemoan the loss of two hours of my life (or in the case of Christopher Nolan’s interminable epics-in-his-own-mind, three) and wonder why I didn’t just turn it off.

Occasionally, though, I’m rewarded for my long-suffering tolerance of mediocrity and outright garbage. Amidst all the dreck that constitute so many films, there might be a nugget of gold that makes the whole effort worthwhile. Here are some examples of memorable moments from forgettable flicks.

  • Remember a movie called “Hot Pursuit”? I didn’t think so. I saw it and I still don’t remember it. It was a poor cop/buddy/crime comedy that did none of those things well. However, it had what I think was a priceless bit of banter. Some thugs kidnap two women and “take them for a ride”. When one of the two women claims she has to stop at a bathroom to deal with some “women’s issues”, one of the IQ-of-Donald-Trump kidnappers asks, “Can’t she hold it?” Well worth the 90 minutes of terrible cinema.
  • Mel Brooks is no slouch. His movies are generally filled with plenty of laughs, albeit often crude and/or cringeworthy. It could be that “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” was one of them but I’ve never seen it. Somehow I did catch one line that was a classic Brooksian single entendre. It makes me laugh and cringe to this day. A character is described as “cocksure and headstrong”, but the person making that claim rethinks it and immediately adds, “Or maybe it’s the other way around.” Don’t try this at home.
  • Another terrible movie I never saw was the raunchy “Exit to Eden”. Dan Akroyd, one of its stars, listed it as a movie he wishes he’d never made. I’m not sure exactly what the plot was for this poor excuse for soft porn. It allegedly involved police going undercover at some kind of sexual fantasy camp. Some kinky guy approaches bemused leather-clad cop Rosie O’Donnell and asks, “How can I fulfill your fantasy?” Without missing a beat, Ms. O’Donnell retorts with the only message in this whole fiasco that rings true to any normal human being, “Go paint my house.”
  • I don’t even remember the name of the movie that was the source of this entry. A guy confused by the whole concept of ballet wants to know why they all dance on their toes. He asks, “Why don’t they get taller dancers?” I’m not alone in thinking this is a good line. I’ve since come to learn that the quip was originally uttered by none other than Henny Youngman. If you’re gonna steal, steal from the best.
  • Not every one of my favorite lines is from a bad movie. The lines are just so good, they transcend the mediocrity of the rest of the work. Such is the case with my favorite line from the “Fantastic Four” movie of 2005 (to distinguish it from the several other FF reboots and preboots), which I liked. Just before he is about embark on some foolhardy adventure, Johnny “The Human Torch” Storm (portrayed by Chris Evans) is warned by his sister Sue (“Invisible Woman”, Jessica Alba), “Don’t even think about it!” His response is one I’ve used many times since in similar, though non-superhero, contexts. Johnny calls back, “I never do!” as he flies off into who knows what shenanigans.
  • I admit I’ve never seen this next offering, although I’m a big fan of the creator. Nick Parks and his animated films are invariably terrific. Reviews of “Early Man” indicate that it was no exception. I’m not sure why I’ve never checked it out. Honestly, all I know of it is the commercial, which includes this priceless line spoken by a caveman in a prehistoric marketplace where he discovers an innovation: a loaf of sliced bread. He’s so overwhelmed by the idea, he utters, “Sliced bread?!? Why this is the best thing since… ever!”
  • The final item on my list is not a line. However, I feel confident in nominating it as offering the highest ratio between the hilarity of the gag (hysterical) and the quality of the overall film (miserable). In “Meteor Man”, Robert Townsend’s character is somehow endowed with superpowers, including the ability to fly. There’s a problem, though. He has a deathly fear of heights. To solve the problem, he never flies more than 3 feet off ground. Horrible movie but I wouldn’t have missed the image of him skimming along at kneecap level for the world. I laugh today just thinking about it.

There are surely many more candidates out there. One person’s list will be radically different than mine due to the subjective nature of movie and humor tastes. It’s nice to know that, even in the worst cinematic effort, maybe the creators didn’t phone the whole thing in.

Life by Subscription

Posted on by under Generic Rant

It started with TV. It used to be free. Before we knew what hit us, we were paying a monthly subscription for cable. We got all those channels and, as the old joke went, nothing was on worth watching. Then along came streaming. Now we’re paying for TV… one channel at a time… one month at a time. Netflix, Prime, Disney+, Paramount+, Hulu, YouTube, … The list goes on and on. And on and on, etc.

There’s subscription radio (Sirius), subscription software (Quicken, Adobe, and about a million others), even subscription cars. Yup, subscription cars.

And all this is in addition to your monthly (or weekly or annual) fees for luxuries like water, sewer, heat, electricity, internet, phones, AAA, rent, mortgage, insurance (all sorts of insurance), taxes (all sorts of taxes), loans, newspapers and magazines (online or old school hard copy), gyms, clubs… They just keep adding up, don’t they? And we forget we even signed up for half of them in the first place. The folks we’re paying count on it. It’s their business model.

Now add one more subscription to the list:

Your life.

Look at the pharmaceutical ads on TV. Nearly every single one of them is for a maintenance drug, one you’ll have to take every day and pay for every month for the rest of your life for the privilege of healthy living.* Don’t hold your breath waiting for any of those conditions to be cured. There’s no money in that.** Not when they have you on their subscription plan.

Don’t forget to renew those subscriptions.

* That is, if you survive the 750 side effects listed in the ads, most of which are more serious than the condition they’re treating.

** No, sir. As one Wall Street analyst warned, curing patients is not a sustainable business model. Read it for yourself here.

Shameless Promotion Department: Cycling to Crush MS

Posted on by under blog snax, Generic Rant

This is my annual plea for support of my bike ride to raise funds for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. The ride is on Martha’s Vineyard on April 29.

Read about the ride here.

Read about our team here.

Read my page and support me here.

That’s all for today. You may now return to your regularly scheduled life.

Some of the Vineyard Square Wheelers ready for action.

Inertia kills

Posted on by under blog snax, Generic Rant

A BlogSnax© post

The sentence that constitutes the title of this post casually left my mouth a couple of weeks ago. When I made this statement, I and the person I was speaking with paused for a moment. Although I hadn’t given the idea much thought beforehand, we both gave it a lot of thought and discussion after the fact. We decided there’s more to it than meets the eye… or ear. I believe with all my heart that it’s true in most, if not all, areas.

In business.

In the arts.

In government.

In faith.

In multiple sclerosis.

In life.

Inertia kills.

We must keep moving and learning and growing.