Tag Archives: dick van dyke

Well, I mean… So…

Posted on by under Generic Rant

Everyone has verbal tics that pepper their conversation. There’s no shame in that. The two most prevalent in my speech are “I mean”—this happens to be a favorite among professional athletes as well, so I’m in good company—and “well”. The latter, I’ve noticed, is most often the opening of (too) many of my sentences. (The other common sentence kickoff is the useless syllable “so”. Pay attention and you’ll hear it everywhere.) It’s always been a mystery why I start so many of my statements with “well”.

Until now.

Like so many Boomers, I grew up on innocent, quaint, simple, yet outrageously funny TV fare such as “The Andy Griffith Show”, “The Dick van Dyke Show”, and the Citizen Kane of 60’s sitcoms, “Leave it to Beaver”. It was mostly in syndication by the time I came to truly appreciate it. I appreciate it even more now. While LitB (as us trendy Boomers call it) has been mostly written off as hopelessly naive, simpleminded, and outdated, it remains (to my mind) crazy funny and more edgy than most people give it credit for. Hey, it’s still streaming over 60 years later. That’s gotta count for something.

More to the point… (What was the point, anyway? Oh, yeah!) I was watching LitB a little while back and noticed that both Wally and The Beaver start most of their sentences the same way! To be more precise, they start them with a strangely abbreviated version of the word by saying, “W’l”. It’s not clear why they eliminated the “e” and second “l”. (Or was it the first “l”? No matter.) Perhaps they wanted to shorten the dialog so they could use the extra few seconds to shoehorn in another commercial or two.

Regardless, I’m pretty sure I picked up the whole “well”/”w’l” thing from that show. Along with some solid parenting skills and a lot of laughs.

In case you haven’t noticed (you haven’t, have you!) I’m increasing the frequency of these posts. This is neither for lack of anything better to do on my part or a sudden heightened demand on yours. There are just too darn many things in my backlog to write about. And you are my unfortunate victims. Sorry.

FAQs

Posted on by under About writing, Books, Generic Rant, Movies, Original writing

(Any web site worth its salt has an FAQs page. Mine has never done so. That could be an inhibitor to its growth from a platform for a curmudgeon trying to unload his lame scribbling to a viral social media giant.

Or not.)

  • Why do you bother with this blog after seven years of almost complete reader indifference?

A fair question, one I’ve wrestled with many times. The most obvious is ego. Having a blog allows me to pretend I have something of import to say, when it’s highly doubtful I do. That’s a self-defeating concept since, as you so clearly and painfully point out, no one appears to be reading it. Ouch! (Thank you for not noting my other blog, “Limping in the Light”, which experienced a similar lack of impact for 10 years. Oh my.)

Another, more reasonable excuse is the desire to sell books. I have seven out there as of this typing (2021) with one more in the works. There’s an infinitesimal but non-zero chance that Oprah will happen on this site and discover that my novel about Haiti, “A Slippery Land”, is perfect for her book club… which it is.

Finally, I just like writing. It’s enjoyable and it’s therapeutic.

  • Have you read the new Andy Weir book, “Project Hail Mary”?

Yes, and it’s great. Similar to “The Martian” in both style and entertainment value. Highly recommended.

  • Can I borrow ten bucks?

No.

  • What’s the deal with that guy in the commercial who points at all your junk and it just goes away?

Nothing is more annoying to me. Our stuff doesn’t just “go away”. There is no “away”. Living under that delusion has brought this world to the predicament it’s in today.

  • How many Frenchmen can’t be wrong?

Last I checked, it was 1,000,000. That might have changed.

  • Is it true that Dick van Dyke was originally cast as the lead in the old movie, “The Omen”?

That’s what I heard. It would be a very different movie with him instead of Gregory Peck, don’t you think? It might have been a musical.

  • Why do people say “dial the phone” when there hasn’t been a dial on a phone in decades?

The same reason my father used to tell us to turn off the gas on the electric stove.

  • How about five bucks?

Okay.

  • Why do motorcycles make so much noise their riders can’t hear themselves think?

They aren’t missing anything.

  • Then they turn up their music above the sound of the bike?

Go figure.

  • Is my call important to you?

Yes, and it will be recorded for customer satisfaction purposes.

  • Where can I get your awesome books?

On Amazon or from me directly.

  • What do you want to be when you grow up?

I have no intention of growing up.

  • What’s the meaning of life?

The Westminster Catechism says “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him for ever.” That works for me.

  • Who are your favorite actors?

For some reason, my favorite actors tend to be more commonly in supporting roles as opposed to carrying a movie. Among those that come to mind at the moment are Stanley Tucci, Toni Collette, Allison Janney, Bill Cobbs, Steve Zahn, Michael Pena, and a bunch more I can’t think of right now. I appreciate people like these folks who (1) are humble enough to take smaller roles, (2) flexible enough to play anything from drama to OTT humor, and (3) make every movie they’re in better.

  • Have you heard the one about the…

Yes.

  • What does “clockwise” mean?

You were born after 2000, weren’t you?

  • $7.50?

Give it a rest!

(Let me know if you have any more questions you need answered.)