Remember “baby books”? When I was born, as well as when I had my own small children, they were all the rage. (They might still be for all I know. I’m long out of that world.) Proud parents dutifully recorded every one of a baby’s developmental milestones through his or her first years of life. They are a joy to look back on, although they can prove embarrassing when reviewed in later years. (Do I want anyone to know the exact date when I was potty trained?)

Another downside of the baby book is the regression of its significance with each passing child. For example, my older brother has a book with about a hundred heavyweight pages and a thick padded cover, filled with every stage of his growth in infinitesimal detail. (“First step!”, “First two steps!!”, “First three steps!!!”) As middle child, my book was less than a dozen plain pages with a paper cover. Only the first few pages were filled in before my parents lost interest. (Or were simply exhausted.) My younger sibling had what can be best described as a pamphlet. It recorded his birth date (not the exact day, just month and year) and little else.

As humiliating as they could be, the baby books have their place. With that in mind, I have an innovation that could make a fortune for some willing entrepreneur. Behold…

The Senior Book©®

When someone hits their 50th or 60th or 65th (whatever you deem appropriate) birthday, a Senior Book would make the perfect gift! They could record all their significant senior milestones. Some of the achievements that could be recorded:

• First colonoscopy
• First joint replacement
• Names of close friends forgotten in sensitive social situations
• Slept through the night without having to get up to pee
• Date taking more than 10 pills in a day
• First fall
• First social engagement turned down because you’re “too tired”
• New senior hobbies taken up (e.g. bird watching, golf, checkers)
• When Jeopardy became “appointment television”
• Started watching golf on TV
• First heart attack/angina/stent/bypass
• Last video game
• Joined AARP
• First time saying, “When I was a kid that cost only…”
• Most funerals in a single week

Some would be for men only:

• Date decided to wear belt above or below gut
• Date started shaving head or employed the combover
• Midlife crisis activities: new car, new wife, quit job and start dental floss farm, other
• Questionable prostate exam

Others just for the ladies:

• Onset of menopause
• Stopped dyeing hair

(Admittedly, I have fewer ideas for this section. Awaiting the feminine touch.)

So, what do you think? Maybe Hallmark or AARP or Mad Magazine will pick up on the idea and make a killing. By publishing this post, I think I can lay initial claim to the idea and ensure my portion of any royalties or residuals.

Meanwhile, if any of my readers–yes, both of you!–can think of more entries, send them along. Perhaps you, too, can share in the inevitable windfall!