Super heroes continue to be all the rage as they have been for decades. There’s a reason for their longevity. We want to live vicariously through those extraordinary folks. Who wouldn’t want to have super powers? Of course, everyone has what we consider “super powers”, as in

My super power is kindness.

My super power is encouragement.

My super power is ADHD.

Those are awesome and we should acknowledge, use, and celebrate such gifts, but, let’s be honest. None of them is a super super power like, say, flying or invisibility.

Somewhere between those crucial natural super powers (generosity, persistence, etc.) and the magical Big Ones (invulnerability, X-ray vision, and the like) are slightly mystical mediocre super powers. They’re as rare as the major powers—I’ve never encountered them in real life—but I’ve always wished I had one or more of them. And I keep coming up with more ideas. Here are a few I’ve yearned for:

• If I could go out of focus for brief times, I could wreak havoc on people’s photographs, eyeglasses, and sanity. That would be awesome.
• Life would be so much easier if I had the power to read QR codes directly, no phone, no internet. What a time and hassle saver.
• The ability to put on and/or remove undergarments without removing outer clothes. You’d be surprised how often this would come in handy.
• The power to clap lights on and off without a Clapper. Admit it, you wish you could do this.
• See with my eyes closed. (This might include seeing through blindfolds and hands but not just anything; that would be too super.) Imagine how much fun you could have messing with people’s minds! And your career as a magician would be a fait accompli.
• Able to open even the tightest jars. To some people (including my wife) I’d be a hero second only to the real supers.
• I want to be able to shrink my legs on demand so I could sit comfortably in coach or any tight spot.
• It would be great to be able to close my ears and my nose. We can close our eyes, why not those other orifices? Frankly, those skills would be more useful.
• I’ve always wished I could grow cobwebs at will. Imagine the reaction of a waiter at a restaurant when you’ve spent too long waiting for your meal or check. He comes back and you’re cloaked in a thick shroud of them. Think they’d get the point? Then there are medical waiting rooms, the RMV, and so many other places I’ve always wanted to do this.

I’m sure you could think of more. Sure, it would be great to have super strength or the ability to throw balls of flame but they’d probably cause more grief than they’re worth. (Just ask the Incredibles!) Anyway, it’s good to start small and work your way up. Let me know how it turns out for you.