Thot Dump*

Posted on by under Generic Rant, Movies, Original writing

From time to time, it becomes necessary to do a Roto-Rooter® job on my brain. Ideas, thoughts, whims, and other random ephemera (to borrow a phrase from the subtitle of my 9th book) clog up my scarred brain and need to be snaked out before they leak all over the place and/or my brain backs up. Either one would not be pretty.

Let me now foist some of these notions on your innocent and unsuspecting mind:

Not long ago I watched (for about the 14th time) the original “Terminator” movie. You know, the one where Ahnold is a bad guy and he says “I’ll be bahk!” As often happens after multiple viewings of the same movie, something new and absurd caught my eye. Sarah Connor and her protector, Kyle, escape from the police station that the Terminator had just gone bahk to and, well, terminated. For the first time, I noticed the vehicle they escaped in. It’s an AMC Gremlin! I love it! Could there be a more incongruous mode of transportation in such a movie? I’ve since learned that there are at least three Gremlins in different scenes in the movie. Can you spot them? (Now we know what happened to the rest of the car, toots.**)

You might see me as just another blogger whose writings captivate you with flights of literary genius, thus bringing you back time and again to reach new heights of reading ecstasy, but I’m a lot more than that. In all humility, I must tell you I’m a worker of miracles. In fact, I perform such miracles almost every day when I make a huge deal out of nothing at all. Ask my wife, she’ll tell you.***

My favorite activity (or at least one of my top three favorites) is something I do every chance I get. Whenever I see babies, the younger the better, I try to catch their eyes. Babies have an incredible ability to lock onto your eyes and never let go until it’s impossible to maintain visual contact because of distance or angle. They stare at me (or you!) as if I’m the most fascinating thing on earth. It’s great for the ego but I always wonder what’s going on in their impressionable, developing minds. I hope it’s not, “Wow, there’s a strange looking dude.” But I don’t care what it is. I just love looking into those beautiful, innocent, inquisitive eyes.

One last question: How is it that saying “something is up” means the same as “something is going down”? Just asking.

* See what I did? I shortened “thoughts” to “thots”, thus saving valuable time and electrons. Of course I’ve blown both by adding this asinine comment but, hey, you can’t have everything.

** Obscure reference to old Gremlin commercial from the 70’s. Yeah, I’m that old. And more. Sadly, I can’t find the commercial anywhere except in the dark recesses of my dark (and getting darker every day) mind.

*** She’ll also tell you that I’m adept at the equally miraculous feat of turning molehills into mountains.

Breaking the Rules Pays Off

Posted on by under About writing, Movies

If you’ve read my latest book, “Scrolled”, you might remember a note in the “The True Parts” back matter that indicated there was an extremely slim autobiographical aspect to the protagonist, one Jack Gregory. Like him, I was once an aspiring screenwriter. While I still like to work on screenplays, I harbor little hope of having one purchased and/or produced, two supremely distinct and totally independent steps in the process.

Part of my obsession, er, um, pursuit was attending film festivals. The best fest for us wannabes is the Austin Film Festival, the definitive writers’ festival. (I had some success in their screenplay competition but evidently not enough.) One of the primary attractions to AFF was the opportunity to present (“pitch”) ideas to established industry professionals. One year, I pitched my idea for “Scrolled” to such a panel.

It tanked. Big time.

Why? I was told it broke two of the cardinal rules of screenwriting:

  1. No stories about writers. Of any kind.
  2. No doing-something-that-I-won’t-mention-here-because-it’s-too-much-of-a-spoiler-for-my-book-as-well-as-the-film-to-be-named-later.

Imagine my surprise then, when one of this year’s nominees for the Academy Award for Best Picture broke the same two rules. Not only that, but it actually won the award for best adapted screenplay!

“American Fiction” is a great movie with a terrific screenplay.(*) But it broke rules that I was told beyond a doubt disqualified my script from consideration! It only goes to show what I pontificated on nearly ten years ago in this blog post, to wit: Rules are meant to be broken. Within reason.

There, I feel better now. Sort of.

(*) Please note that I am in no way comparing my humble sample of silliness called “Scrolled” to that truly great script. But you can buy it and judge for yourself. 🙂

What Went Wrong?

Posted on by under Generic Rant

Nearly my entire record and CD collection is loaded on a flash drive. By plugging it into my car’s sound system and setting it to play randomly, I never know what might play at any given time. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna like it, though. 🙂

When I got in my car today, a very special song played: an anthem, if you will, of my (boomer) generation. Here are the lyrics, reprinted without permission. (I hope the owner of the copyright will forgive me.*)

Love is but a song we sing
Fear’s the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Though the bird is on the wing
And you may not know why

Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now

Some may come and some may go
We will surely pass
When the one that left us here
Returns for us at last
We are but a moment’s sunlight
Fading in the grass

Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now

If you hear the song I sing
You will understand (listen)
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It’s there at your command

Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now

How did we go from this message of hope and optimism, which reached its pinnacle as performed by The Youngbloods in 1969, the summer of love, to this winter of discontent? When and how did the idealism of love and peace devolve into the maelstrom of fear, hatred, and terror that engulfs us today? How, given that admittedly naive idealism of 55 years ago, do we find ourselves, standing as we are, on the precipice of establishing an authoritarian state, as predicted by Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor in her opinion on a recent judgement by the SCOTUS:

“The relationship between the president and the people he serves has shifted irrevocably. In every use of official power, the president is now a king above the law,” she both wrote and read. “With fear for our democracy, I dissent.”

I mourn the peace we never knew.
I grieve for the love God has given us to share with everyone that we reject and distort beyond recognition.
I lament the lives that have been and will be lost because this message was forgotten.

Come on, people.

* The song was originally written in the early 60’s by a man named Chester Powers, who performed under the name Dino Valenti. He sold the rights to hire a lawyer to get him out of a prison sentence for drug possession. (Maybe that’s part of the problem.) He recovered the rights before he died in 1994. I assume his estate owns the rights now.

Announcing “Scrolled”!

Posted on by under About writing, Books

I’m happy to announce the release of my tenth book:

“Scrolled” is pure comic fantasy following the misadventures of aspiring screenwriter Jack Gregory*. He and his dimwitted friend Duffy Hood stumble upon a scroll that might just be the greatest archaeological find since the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Strangely enough, the scroll might also be the key to Jack’s success as a screenwriter. What accounts for this strange intersection of the wildly disparate worlds of archaeology and Hollywood? Read “Scrolled” and you’ll find out. On the journey, you’ll encounter a diabolical film producer, a disguised Chick-fil-A, Aristotle, a Greek pizza joint, a wild chase through the streets of LA, and some most excellent soup.

You’ll also encounter a love letter to comic movies, writing, and performers, all of whom have provided hundreds of hours of enjoyment to me and countless others. Take the journey today by purchasing and reading “Scrolled”.

Find it here on Amazon in both paperback and Kindle formats.

*Any resemblance between Jack and a certain elderly blogger is, as Bob Bennett says, steadily improving. 🙂

Weird photos addendum

Posted on by under photos

As mentioned in the comments to the previous “weird photos” post, a FOAF (Friend of a Friend… who is also a friend) had a photo of a similarly nonsensical sign at yet another a gas station/convenience store:

On the cup, it says, “If it’s not fresh, it’s free.” But the store’s policy claims, “Free coffee Everyday”. As my friend infers from the mixed messages, the coffee must never be fresh!

My next post will be my new book announcement. Come back and check it out soon!

More weird photos

Posted on by under photos

Just a few days till the release of my new book. But the blog must go on! Albeit in this very brief form of a few strange photos.

We checked into the hotel and saw this wrapper. It was so reassuring. You don’t want to trust your TP to amateurs!

Less reassuring was this mixed message at a nearby gas station/convenience store:

Gotta love their consistent messaging. At least they’re drug free except for nicotine.

Finally, the strangest business I’ve ever seen:

One business or two? I sure hope it’s the latter. Otherwise, I don’t want to know how this place works.

My next post will be my new book announcement. Come back and check it out soon!

It Had To Be… that song again

Posted on by under blog snax, Generic Rant, Movies

A BlogSnax© post

I saw a new (2024) movie last week. It was otherwise forgettable but one thing sticks with me. A character in the movie sang the song, “It Had To Be You”. It’s a good, venerable old song—first published in 1924, Happy Birthday!—but the time has come to declare a moratorium on it. According to Wikipedia, between its first use in a short film in 1936 and today, no less than 27 movies, shorts, TV shows, and even cartoons, have used it.

After hearing it in great movies such as When Harry Met Sally and Annie Hall, most any other use will pale by comparison. So give it up. Find another song or, better yet, write a new good song.

(Continuing the BlogSnax to maximize writing time on the new book, which is coming along great.)

More Word Fun!

Posted on by under blog snax, Generic Rant

A BlogSnax© post

Is it just me or is it weird that the phrases “fill out” and “fill in” mean the same thing? You can fill out a form or fill in a form. Same result. What’s with that?

(Sorry for the terse post. I’m busy trying to get book #10 ready.)

More dog food on the way!

Posted on by under About writing, Books, photos

I have another book in the works. Anyone who knows my penchant for OCD behavior had to see this coming. After all, how could I have nine books out when, with a little effort, I could release a nice round tenth book? Well, the book isn’t round. It’s rectangular like the others but the number 10 is…

Oh, never mind. You get it.

With any luck and some hard work on the part of myself and the rest of the team—designers and early readers—it should be out in time for beach reading season. Not that I expect you to actually read a beach. What I mean is…

Oh, never mind. You get it.

And a beach read this will be, with some romance, some excitement, some mystery, some broad comedy. That isn’t supposed to be a sexist comment. The term “broad comedy” refers to…

Oh, never mind. You get it.

In case you’re looking for a good reason to buy my next book, or any of the others, you might be interested in an endorsement one of my books recently received. The following picture gets the point across:

Yes, even pets enjoy my books! This little dog tore into my recent book, “Only Love Can Break Your Leg”. Now, how many authors can claim multi-species fandom? It was traumatic for the dog’s owner who hadn’t finished it and had no idea how it ended! After I told him the ending and he had a few months of therapy, he was okay. The dog needed no such help because he finished the book. And when I say, finished, I mean…

Oh, never mind. You get it.

[Obligatory shameless self-promotion: If you don’t have it, you should get it. This and all my others can be found on my Amazon author page today. In a couple of months there will be one more. The tenth, a nice round number but not a round book. Then I’ll be able to sleep better.]