Happy Gripesgiving!

Posted on by under blog snax, Generic Rant

A BlogSnax© post

In Disney’s delightful 1951 adaptation of “Alice in Wonderland”, the following discussion takes place:

Alice: I’m sorry I interrupted your birthday party…

March Hare: Birthday? Hahaha! My dear child, this is not a birthday party!

Mad Hatter: Of course not! Hehehe! This is an unbirthday party!

Alice: Unbirthday? Why, I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand.

March Hare: Its very simple. Now, thirty days have sept- no, when… an unbirthday, if you have a birthday then you… haha… she doesn’t know what an unbirthday is!

Mad Hatter: How silly! Ha ha ha ha! Ah-hum… I shall elucidate! Now statistics prove, prove that you’ve one birthday.

March Hare: Imagine, just one birthday every year.

Mad Hatter: Ahhh, but there are 364 unbirthdays!

The same can be said of Thanksgiving. It takes up 1/365th of the year. The rest of the year is spent complaining and griping. Why not make it official and declare every day except the fourth Thursday of November to be “Gripesgiving”?

All this is put forth with tongue firmly embedded in cheek, of course. But we probably do gripe about 365 times more than we give thanks, so this isn’t as far-fetched an idea as you might think. We should either celebrate consistent with our behavior or reverse that ratio. (Try this idea to get things started.)

[Confession: I thought I’d come up with this original thought but it turns out many others have used the same idea. Oh, well. It was new to me. And maybe to you.]

TV and toilets

Posted on by under Generic Rant

A BlogSnax© post

Random thoughts on a random day. One for every single day of the year! So far.

Have you seen the ads for the “Golden Bachelor”? They break new ground in hyperbole, hubris, and downright lying. It was proclaimed to “make history”. With such a status, you can understand why they claimed that it was “all anyone can talk about.” Is it all you’re talking about? I’m pretty sure I could watch it (God forbid) and not even think about it, never mind talk about it.

I’m not a fan of the vertical toilet paper holder as shown here. As Cynthia Tobias would say, “What’s the point?” As far as I can tell, it attempts to address only one problem: the controversy over whether the paper should come over the front or the back. Unfortunately, it merely swaps that dilemma for an even more perplexing one: left or right. (Yet another illustration of “Rick’s Law of the Conservation of Woes“.) That answer will likely depend on whether you’re a conservative or liberal. Meanwhile, the solution to the horizontal controversy is irrefutable: the paper should come over the front. End of discussion.

[As I typed the title of this post, it occurred to me that it makes an editorial statement in itself. Both of these household appliances are often filled with crap. Fortunately, the latter is rarely filled to overflowing. The same cannot be said of the former.]

Spoiler Alert! (Not!)

Posted on by under blog snax, Movies

A BlogSnax© post

People watch a lot of Hallmark Christmas romance movies this time of year. I’ve heard that they created 41 “new” ones this year alone. The word “new” is qualified here because none of them are really new. Even the people who watch them (people like me, I confess) will admit that they only have three plots—the undercover royalty, the big city business person who rekindles an old flame in her small hometown while trying to put a local institution out of business, and the person posing as a fiancé[e]/girlfriend/boyfriend to fool the family—with a rotating ensemble of about six actors who do nothing else. (I’m looking at you, Danica McKellar!)

So how come when you read people’s reviews of these dogs on IMDb, they sometimes say “spoiler alert”? News flash, folks: There’s nothing to spoil!! A spoiler alert for one of these holiday train wrecks is as useful as a spoiler alert for Scooby Doo—Hey, it’s not a real monster. It’s a guy dressed up as a monster! Or Gilligan’s island—No, they don’t get off the island. Gilligan screws up again and they remain stranded on their three-hour cruise for which they packed three years worth of clothing and supplies.

Just had to get that off my chest before the new year.

Big Pharma Hits the Wall

Posted on by under Original writing

Press Release

For Immediate Release

Cambridge, MA, December 19, 2023 — Biozyme Corporation®, a global provider of innovative pharmaceutical solutions, announced today that it has run out of letter combinations for all future drugs, including those under development. “With the release of our new cutting edge SBS (shy bladder syndrome) medication, Ininossssdzz©®, we have exhausted all reasonable length permutations of the 26 letter English alphabet,” said Bryce Fiasco, Chief Appellation Officer for Biozyme©®℗. “We need to start exploring entirely new character sets.” The CAO adds, “Biozyme©®℗Ø is not facing this dilemma alone. The entire industry has depleted all combinations of characters 12 letters or less.”

Biozyme©®℗Ø֍ was not forthcoming with any details regarding their plans going forward. Rumor has it they will be utilizing numbers, non-English alphabets, heiroglyphics, emojis, animal noises, as well as tones picked up by radio telescopes aimed into deep space.

“At Biozyme©®℗Ø֍♂, our core competency has always been innovation and we’re very excited to move ahead into previously uncharted sobriquet territory. No longer will we be restricted by the arbitrary limitations of an archaic collection of characters.” It is expected that the first drug employing the new naming paradigm will be Biozyme’s©®℗Ø֍♂☺groundbreaking treatment for the relief of side effects of their drug used to lessen negative reactions to its medication to treat hangnails caused by the use of their mRNA dandruff therapy.

“We’re sure that the consumers of our products will be quite comfortable with the new drug names,” said Chief Rationalization Officer Hymie Slamm. “After all, none of our current offerings are pronounceable by humans.”

A couple of turtle pictures…

Posted on by under blog snax, photos

A BlogSnax© post

Can there be enough turtle pictures? Here’s my contribution:

I count over 40 turtles on this one fallen log, possibly as many as 50. It’s like a horizontal Yertle. An amazing demonstration of coexistence.

From the No-Brainer Department, seen on a local road:

Well, yeah! Next we’ll have a sign saying “fast cheetahs”.

Neverending Thanx…

Posted on by under Generic Rant

Once more reviving my old “Thanx” posts. (See here for a full description of the genre.) Making a Thanksgiving post once a year on the eve of the holiday is wildly inadequate. As a friend recently told me, it should be thanksliving. He’s right. G. K. Chesterton was on target when he said,

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.

In that spirit, I offer this woefully skimpy inventory, from the sublime to the ridiculous to the ridiculously sublime:

  1. God (Good start, huh?)
  2. My extended family (most of whom will be together on Thanksgiving)
  3. Eight years with St. Matthew
  4. Small and large groups
  5. Jigsaw puzzles
  6. Bucket list bike trips
  7. One good leg
  8. Unexpected encounters, calls, and visitors
  9. Grace
  10. Learning lessons, even the hard ones
  11. New City Microcreamery
  12. Isaiah predicting today’s news
  13. MS Cure is back in business!
  14. Burger Night at State Road
  15. Sitting on the beach in mid-November
  16. Ari’s grotto
  17. The trapeze and fear of transformation
  18. Ground Round Reunion
  19. Uncle Beef
  20. Nashoba Brook Bakery
  21. The Sheriff’s Meadow
  22. The blessing of generosity, no matter which end of it I’m on
  23. Lessons and Carols and Jenna
  24. Rosewater chicken sandwich and lemon pound cake
  25. Accessible vans
  26. Lexie’s Lemonade
  27. 45.5 years
  28. “The Quiet Girl”
  29. Answering the call
  30. Memory so bad that rereading books is a pleasure
  31. etc. etc. etc. …

Look, I know the great majority of these are obscure beyond reason, but they’re understood by the bless-ee and the bless-er and that’s all that really counts.

I wish you and yours a happy and grateful Thanksgiving!

Speaking of Speaker…

Posted on by under Generic Rant, Original writing

Many people were relieved when the House of Representatives finally selected a Speaker of the House. I, for one, was not. Writing about this could sound as if I’m boasting, but it’s my duty as an American citizen to speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth… as I see it… which could mean anything in this culture. And the truth is…

I was fourth in line after “Mike Johnson” (yeah, like that’s his real name) to be nominated as Speaker.

Yes, it’s true. The Republicans were working down a list according to qualifications. After McCarthy, Scalise, Jordan, Emmer, Bergman, Hern, and a swarm of other no-names who either couldn’t get the votes or dropped out (because they couldn’t get the votes), “Mr. Johnson” was elected before the next names on the list were revealed.

Now it can be told.

After “Johnson”, Attila the Hun’s name was to be put on on the table. Sadly, even though he had secured the votes to be elected, someone had the audacity to point out that Mr. Hun had been dead for 1570 years. He lost six votes after that fact was revealed, which was enough to put his election into question. This came as a major disappointment to Republican presidential favorite Donald the Hun.

Another Trump preference was the next candidate on the roster. Milburn Pennybags, a.k.a. “Rich Uncle” Pennybags, mascot of the popular Parker Brothers board game, Monopoly. He has a few key character traits in common with the presumptive Republican nominee: First, he’s two-dimensional, possibly one dimension more than Mr. Trump. Second, he appears to be rich but his money isn’t real. Finally, he never shows up on the “Pay Income Tax” space.

The final name on the list before me was Bozo the Clown. He was never a serious consideration because Mr. Trump rejected him on two counts: (1) He’s afraid of clowns and (2) Bozo is considered too much of an intellectual (“a egghead”, as Mr. Trump puts it) who wouldn’t appeal to mainstream Republican House members.

That would have brought me to the front of the line. The fact that no one knows who I am certainly worked in my favor. It’s not clear whether I would have been able to muster the votes to be elected but I’d give it my all, which is all a guy can do.

If, Heaven forbid, I failed to be elected, a small selection of the many names that would have come after me were Captain America, Gumby, Taylor Swift, the World’s Largest Ball of Twine, Popeye the Sailor Man–never underestimate the draw of a man in uniform–and Goofy… or was that Dopey… or “Mike Johnson”? Six of one…

Partial Photo Backlog Dump

Posted on by under photos

The ideas for this blog have been piling up, but so have the weird photos I’ve been sitting on. And there are more just about every week. Let’s throw a few out into an unsuspecting world before they get too stale.

From the people who brought us the ever-so-tasteless “FU” ad campaign comes this bit of stupidity. They’re “Flamin’ Hot” but they’re Cool Ranch. Only in the Frito-Lay universe is that possible.

So much better was this much needed encouragement received at a local self-serve gas station:

It’s nice to know someone believes in me.

Covid-19 is over but as this photo, taken recently inside a porta-potty (yeah, I’m that desperate for material) indicates, the paranoia and madness remain.

Lock it up! Lock it up!

Is this a big enough problem–people putting their bikes on top of this fence–that they need a special sign for it? On the other hand…

…this sign is clearly needed, especially for whoever put the sign on the piano.

And last, but not by any stretch of an already stretched-to-the-breaking-point imagination least, this alarming picture-within-a-picture from the what-the-heck-were-they-thinking department:

I don’t even know where to begin with this disturbing picture, obviously the product of a seriously deranged mind. It has given me nightmares since I first saw it. Now it’s your problem. Good luck.

Repost of autumnal biking perils…

Posted on by under blog snax, Generic Rant

A BlogSnax© post

It being autumn, and me being slothful and uninspired, it’s fitting to recycle a post from my old blog, Limping in the Light. It’s appropriate not only for the season and seasonal activities but also because, sadly, I’m limping again. 😦

Chipmunk chicken

(Note that the original post was published in spring but this particular activity is more common in the fall.)